Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Come see our sink grown plant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
