I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
