i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
