i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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