his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
