You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
