I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
