I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
