My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
