I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
