oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
