And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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