dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
