in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
