I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
