I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is my gift to your gina
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
