her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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