I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
