I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
