oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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