anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
