My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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