I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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