He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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