I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
