I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
