What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
