Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
