I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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