So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
