U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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