he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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