pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
God, I missed his penis.
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