Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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