and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
