I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
