I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
