His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
