Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
