I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
