Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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