Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
