Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I cockslap morals
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
