the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
