The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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