Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i've created a new STD.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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