i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
