It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
