i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
