is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
