i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
