i was born a porn star she said
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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