Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
