I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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